7 desperate minutes

i am gonna make a change for once in my life

2011-04-09T16:29:00.000+08:00

2008-08-24T01:17:00.002+08:00

Oh Goodness

hello pals greetings on a saturday night to all....

ohmygawl i just woke up from my couch when i am suppose to persevere through the night without watching the teevee and of course NOT to sleep. But apparently ya not doing so well.

you couldn't believe i have shit loads of work to do when the block is officially over. goodness how am i going to finish all thezeee within 2 fucking days oh no not, 1 and a half day? I have a solution in mind thou like delay my submission thats the only way out. whatever i am going to choing right now. goodbye buddies

oh but damn theres a distraction right there a rather important messenger conversation.
i am off now

2008-07-19T23:46:00.000+08:00

work it

Oh where do i start? It has been a while that I've decided to place my ass down on the chair and write about my life well if you wanna know- its disastrous!

What a dreadful and blood sucking week i had. I am still in the midst of recovering, having said that, i am gonna anticipate a bloody hectic and the oh-my-fuck-god-i-am-gonna-be-dead-meat week ahead! I need rescue.

Sigh really i have to construct garments, this is what i am here for- to construct garments. To make the impossible possible. I am in a plunge of despair whenever i realized i need to start on something. But all i can do is to let agitation fermenting inside me and helplessly sit and figure things out. Yea sit and look at my classmates with admiration and wonder why can't i be like them. Why can't i have more talent in making clothes and why can't i be less reckless, patient, neat and tidy? I can't seem to work it out seriously, it really challenged me this time. I have to tone down in total defeat and tell myself i am such a loser- a stupid loser. Now, i need to know what to do next, whats the next step but what if i can't even answer myself?

Well i feel so lousy these days i can't seem to do well in this, not that i am hard to myself but seriously i can't understand a tad bit of the construction. I need alot of experimenting but damn i've got no time. Time is an issue, producing it is an issue, a good one or a bad one, so much pressure, tell me what should i do. fuck it or work it? Of course work it but yea theres always a but. Maybe now i've no time to think of but, i need a instant solution and salvation! I hope i can have a better week so i think i better rest enough so i could hold on to those heavy and intense emotions when the disaster hits me, which i think likely it will come. Oh come on, i am dealing with sewing machines what is it not gonna happen? I am already sensing something bad....let alone facing it. pray for me dear brothers and sisters.

Blissful- totally blissful. I am having the whole house all by myself from now on means 1206am to the next 8am in the morning. With no noise, purely peace and with the voice of Racheal Yamagata without somebody asking me to tune the volume down. Great. I don't have to tolerate the voices of honkie speaking canto- momsy's favourite hk dramas that she can't live w/o and sister always stinking the bathroom after releasing her anal. I can drink all the packets of green tea in the fridge all by myself and channel 16 myself silly in front of the tv as long as i want without anybody interrupting me. Most importantly, nobody can rush me off when i bathe and mom can't creep into my room in the middle of the night to switch off my air con cause she wants to save the earth but the truth is to save bloody electrical bills. I really hate it! Now i can have a peaceful bath as long as i want and have a blissful night. Perfectttt.

As for now i am happy with a book of Sophie Kinsella which never fails to tickle my laughing bone and my priceless privacy, wouldn't it be nice?

2008-07-01T01:05:00.001+08:00

no time

my weekend was splendid!
good food + tobacco loving + good company= absolutely orgasmic!
max brenner couldn't make us stop smiling and the bloody korean bbq's taste is still lingering in my mouth oh damn!

>>>>>>>>

i've absolutely no time for grieving

cause......

i've laid my fingers on Sophie Kinsella! I thought i've gotten the shopaholic series but no is the undomestic goddess! i know is such a irony to read that cause i am zee domestic goddess! alas... no harm finding instant entertainment yes?

tmr start of a brand new block and i am totally dreading it cause i have to face the bloody morning crowd! No, chin up bess everything is gonna be beautiful... embrace your new block with a positive mind. And is bed time now so good night buds!

2008-06-21T01:24:00.001+08:00

PS\\

My obsession with letterbox has gone wild. I am diggin' them. Taken from the streets from novena to old school.

2008-06-18T21:03:00.000+08:00

where do i start?

I've sooo many many many pictures to post up, but i have no idea where to start.
maybe this is a goood start yea? LOL

don't she look absolutely adorable like a unicorn on power rider? i love you muchos humbao! hahaha she never fails to crack me up. I FUCKING LOVE YOU! MUUUAAAHHHHHH

I WANT TO LOSE SOME FRIGGIN' WEIGHT
i gonna live on veggies and water
i won't die friends don't freak out
i want to be as light as i can float weeeeeeeeee
DON'T FREAK OUT FRIENDS

beckon to work! f***

2008-06-18T15:21:00.000+08:00

ay ya ya ya ya

Get out of my head
Outta my, outta my head
Want you outta my head
Outta my, outta my head
Get outta my head
Outta my outta my head
Want you outta my head
Outta my, outta my head

this song is insane but i like it like that.
you rock lad yo ashlee! HELL YEAH!

Ay ya ya ya ya
You're talking way too much
You tell me one more time how I should live
I swear I'll bite your head off
I am who I am And I can't be no one else
You got nothing left to say
Keep your comments to yourself
Awww!

2008-06-04T16:07:00.000+08:00

3rd June

I've just ended my really short term break. that felt so long.
nah not just long, long and really meaningful.

Can't believe that i just lost 2 of my utmost important friends this month.
they left me-
not forever but just meantime
" Is better no leave than to be left behind."

This morning, i was just standing outside the glass doors of the departure area waving goodbyes to my dearest best friend. Seeing her pulling her luggage and glamorously walk down the path to her flight. And when the moment i stopped seeing her i know i gonna be left alone. I even looked back, and i don't see any more familiar faces. Everything felt so real like a big part of me wanting to pull her back. What pain me most is when the 2 love birds had their last kiss goodbye. It killed me utterly. It is worst than any Korean sappy dramas.

Our last hug never felt so tight and warm. I could sense that she wants to stay badly but she had to go. I want her to stay even more badly and so does everybody else. The tears i see in everybody faces pierce me through so deeply. And brett holding back his tears but still could see the redness in his eyes from all the dried tears.

I know this is gonna be hard, nobody likes to be left behind. Maybe when we turned older, we have our own lives to lead. Leaving could be a biggest difficulty that we need to overcome. Cheer up buddies out there. And chin up bess.

My beloved friend,

I hope everything goes fine with you there. We were so alike, i know you will feel the same way as i do. And you know you can call me whenever you want and i am sure to be there for you anytime.
I will love you till the end of time and look forward to your return.

Yours truly
Bessie

A strangled smile fell from your face
It kills me that I hurt you this way
The worst part is that I didn't even know
Now there's a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes

She said "If we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"
She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
And give me a break
I'll keep us together, I know you deserve much better

But remember the time I told you the way that I felt
That I'd be lost without you and never find myself
Let's hold onto each other above everything else
Start over, start over

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
and believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes

Amanda, regardless, you will still be on my mind whenever it comes to crazy parties and girls night out. I hope you know this is what you really want to do and the girlies will be by your side at all cost. I will remember you like how you will remember me dear. One girl down and you know we will gonna miss you like crazy bees so please call us up often and don't fall sick so much cause our heart will ache. I miss you muchos
xoxo

2008-05-02T16:17:00.000+08:00

GALLERY : {n} / plural

PRE-SALES ON NOW!

ladies and gentlemen they are all painstakingly sewed and designed by a group of humble and passionate TP ADM students. So please show us some love... your dedication will determine our success. friends you don't wanna see me collapse do you? (;

xoxo

2008-05-01T14:11:00.000+08:00

Panic bessie

gawl today was one of my worst day since the start of school.
Everything i did or wanting to do are out of place and time.
I really had no idea why did i get myself into this miserable life of mine

First i was late for class followed by i didn't managed to finish my assignment last night cause i bloody slept where as others mug till early morning. I SLEPT! really feel like slapping myself next time if i ever feel like sleeping when i have submission the next day. Never mind, calm down, so i head off to finish what i have left. As Predicted to be a crazy day, right after i finished my work, me and stacy dashed to Arab street for fabrics. It has been 3 days consecutively that we didn't have a pleasant prober table meal, how pathetic!? Is that what we consider " a life of a retailer/ designer?"
no shit

Flew off from Arab street to school and continue proposing our ideas and merchandise and sew and draft. UNTIL darling Amanda reminded me about my submission at 5! goddamnit it was 5.40 already, after printing twas 6? submission box was gone, lecturer was gone, no body can help and i am devastated. The frown on my face was just not enough to vent my anger and expressed out my grief. Angry that i allow myself to forget such an important submission, Just worried and really worried

Having not to spend enough time with friends is really killing me. Friends out there i really miss ya all! Sometimes i can get so drifted away by school work till i forgot the importance of my friend's company. Oh well school's holiday is coming up soon i will give a serious thought to my making up time :p

Alright for now, just sew just sew...just sew...just sew....

2008-04-03T15:13:00.000+08:00

shawty you wanna party

phew
the teeshirt is finally done
check it out yo

had some time to put zee peektures together.
so folks, i shall let the awesome pictures fill in your curiosity of what i have done at SFW O8'
and for those who miss me, i miss ya'll too! muaah
ciao for now!

2008-03-31T19:00:00.000+08:00

3:45

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How many really know what love is?
Millions never will
Do you know until you lose it
That it’s everything that we are looking for
When I wake up in the morning
You’re beside me
I’m so thankful that I found
Everything that I been looking for

*****

i feel like a technician instead of a person who wants to sew. Bloody machine always screwed up on me like the f**king 32435435th times. Machine needs rest and i am gonna shut eye in less than 10minutes time.

goodnight buddies!

2008-03-25T02:09:00.000+08:00

get me going

bess just keep breathing...

Everyday i am learning to get over obstacles that deeply arouse my state of mood.
Everyday i am learning to accept people of who they are.
Everyday i am learning to keep my stand firm and not let anything to move me.
I am learning not to be disappointed with people who i have choose not to see anymore.
I am learning to accept all the pain you've brought to me.
And
Every chance I've got, i am learning not to look back and get life going.

something that i did not fight for, do you think i am worth to have it?
maybe i am all wrong about my life is out of place, it has always been in place. I am moving everyday and always will be.

It really dampened my mood but i am accepting it.
I am not gonna let anything that steal my joy away

i thank god for the homies who spent the night with me with so much love and laughter.
I am truly blessed with awesome friends around me in times of difficulty.
love ya all'

2008-03-24T18:45:00.000+08:00

K.O

half past 3 fucking a.m.
i am still struggling with the sketches

why did i make myself so busy and tired in my holiday?
whats going on lord?
i sketch so much and i just don't feel like doing it anymore
i feel like breaking the pencil right now and let me decay at some corner.

i don't procrastinate, i just don't do anything
yes anybody wish to join me?

the entire week, it had been unproductive. Not that it is surprising if not i won't be fretting right now darn
damn i dread the project and the Onituska Tiger teeshirt competition is not any tad bit done or rather is not even started. To rub it in a litter, its due next week.

OH GOD

I'm so screwed

i don't feel like reminding myself with the list of hectic activities for the up coming week.
perk me up plleaasseee
like a plate of seafood pasta will do just gooood (;

2008-03-12T14:30:00.000+08:00

deception is brutal

I've just watched the movie closer by Jude law and Natalie Portman today.
the plot and soundtrack were beautiful!
in short the whole movie its about the art of lying.
And i love every part of jude law! ok this contains a certain degree of biasness i must admit but really it is a wonderful movie!

I realised something, i am always blogging when i am feeling not so good about the day. Maybe is a way for me to untangled the mix feelings by words?

Earlier i chanced upon this beautiful poem.

Fate allowed our paths to cross
Blue meeting blue, time stopping
The emptiness filled, I no longer felt lost
You smiled at me, my barriers dropping

Before long, there was love in my heart
And I wasn't afraid to tell you
Though that glimmer of love didn't get us far
I kept thinking, someday, we'd start anew

Our friendship continued to blossom and grow
And soon it was time for you to leave
Our goodbye was solemn, simple, voices low
But secretly inside I allowed myself to grieve

Now that you've had the time to ponder
Does distance make the heart grow fonder

Subconsciously, it seems like my everyday was filled with you around, there is just a part of you that i would write about and think about. You became my muse in my work, my distraction when i need to focus, the cause of my emotional cycle and warmth when the weather turns cold.
I''ve never want that to happen

you're taken and i am deceived
i hope you know the emotion that i have battled every time i am reminded of you
i envy you as much as i ache and loathe that the fact i am allowing myself to contact you
dear you,
don't be dan by jude law in closer
you know by doing this will only keep us forever apart
i will just keep believing that one day we'd start anew.
goodbye

2008-03-02T20:10:00.000+08:00

i want to quit school

ok maybe not- you got the point.
school screwed up my life in another words.
they turned my friendship to sour, a empty love life, a fucked up time management, a cold relationship with family, the main cause to my fair skin and bad skin, a unhealthy body, super ultra mood swing and unnecessary emo cycle. they are nightmare!

i am no perfectionist, i am not particular with the alignment as long as it look pleasantly good. i am in a design school to flaunt my creativity not here to challenge who is neater. i know neatness points down to quality of work but taa i am not that messy am i? sigh should i just resign to my fate? i am no good with measurements, i am not meticulous, i am not at all anal. I tried really hard to be neat and meticulous hell it was no fun! I took 5 god damn hours to cut perfect squares but still not getting the result i want. how discouraging! Me being me can't help but to compare, why some people takes less than half an hour can cut perfect squares and got a well deserved grade. Me putting in double effort got grades that doesn't pay off? I am human not whatever you call it workaholic or god. i still do need water and food to survive. human has the right to be imperfect and so do i. By the way i really do love imperfection. I am human in its very special way.

How i wish life can get back to its simplest form. When worries doesn't exist, when everybody is treated fairly, no fights, no arguments just peace and love. How i wish i learn not to compare and do what i am good at, just me myself and design. How i wish i can put my results aside and do my ultimate best in my work and not care what sort of grades i get.
And you already know, all these will not happen
good grades=good future=good money=good life

so when will i learn?

2008-02-24T15:28:00.000+08:00

I LOST MY VERY VALUABLE

WALLET

damn fucked up period.

2008-02-09T19:14:00.000+08:00

i cant take the distance

this page has been too quiet for too long
here i am again updating what i've left.

Before i know its already 2008, what a wonderful year i had back in 07
and now embarking on a brand new year. Always thought that a new year has began should be a brand new start for me but nevertheless i found myself still at the end of 07 racing and struggling. I don't feel that this warm fuzzy feeling had ever left me ever since then and i believe time will slowly blur everything out.

After what i've felt today, made me realised what i believed is not true. It made me feels like i am still living in my own little memory of year 07, still not moving forward and still hopelessly pending down there. Yes.. at times i just feel like getting loose from reality for a while and dream of what i really miss and now it tasted really sweeeet. Cause i have been ignoring all the hard facts and all the on goings that have been moving so fast that i just don't wish to know. Things i just don't wish to know. Just say ignorance is bliss- yes truly is

Maybe in the little world of ours, we can still have some loving time for each other. We are living in two worlds apart yet feeling the same maybe telepathy does exist. If theres nothing much to say i will just leave it as maybe....

Have a blessed lunar year new dearest

2007-12-08T19:17:00.000+08:00

my royal battlefield at Millenia walk

gosh can't believe i am doing this alone! But theres always something to be thankful for, i have the ever ever awesome models, teammate laura who is away, awesome mom who drives me home and fabulous friends who gave me support and believed in me.

oh well tomorrow will mark the end of the competition, i am all excited about it. Especially the newly created last minute look for angela, its gonna be hell crazy tmr but i bet its gonna be the peak of my life. Never engaged myself into such competitions before but definitely enriching and an eye opener for me. Learn that is never about getting the crown, is the process and the experience, the friendship gained and the sense of satisfaction. For that it is already a reason to celebrate, not gonna let myself down, nobody is gonna stop me from partying my ass off! haahaaw
******

i am currently coughing my life off now, motherf***
very good timing huh, when i have to explain something important on stage tmr.
hope nothing will go wrong, at least do not throw out pleaseeee :/

Have been hell busy with these and that, so please pardon me with the lack of visuals! My pc screwed up on me again, some kind souls please offer to fix it. And and and don't forget to be down at Millenia Walk tmr at 3pm, show some love to us! Models are steaming burning hot!
okay i better get some good rest for now and prepare for tmr's warfare! choooooooing

goooooooodnight!
(;

2007-11-21T15:24:00.000+08:00

make me stronger

Can't blame me, i've got a valid reason. I ATTEMPTED to revise my Italian, after a minute, my legs just walked out by itself, so yea here i am figuring out my thoughts! Holy shit! what does this prove? Bess cannot study for nuts!

Oh well yes very true, tomorrow is gonna be the most pressurizing and demoralizing day ever ever ever! Gonna have zee ever dreading written, listening test and role play tomorrow! Lets scream "SIAO!!!" together! Yes very crazy i know, i do not know how am i suppose to handle and manage the stress i am going through. It seems impossible to stay clam and focus!

I hate to face failure, knowing the fact that i can't make it and realised i am the weakest link. OH well i have exactly 8hrs to figure and work it out! I seriously have no no no idea how am i gonna pull through the night having to memorize those alien words in 8hrs time. NOOOOOOOOOOOway

oh come on bess 2 more days! Bollywood english picnic, food galore, laughters, favourite girlies, boysome, party like a rockstar, some serious snooze, booze and lots of loving!
i can't freaking wait!

*******
If confidence, optimism and frankness are gonna cure my dysfunctional.
i am willing to do anything to have it back to my life again
like losing a piece of my flesh now, i would
at this moment of life, feeling so naked, empty and confuse
i just wished that everything around me is still in place
but it doesn't seems like it, maybe being too hard is never a good thing
people give in so much, sadly to say they only received this tiny much.
yes i can't deny the fact that life is unfair
and i know that the giving and receiving thing can never reach to a balance.
reason is simple, go figure!
human nature....tsktsktsk

i better get going! back to dreadful Italian! ciao!

2007-11-09T21:03:00.000+08:00

i came you left

you know where ATC leads me to?
i do not quite know where it brings me to. but definitely somewhere you find serene and it sounds like your wildest dream!
it is so bleak and cloudy like you're walking through the longest tunnel filled with smoke, finding your way out to somewhere beautiful and somewhere you can see your past, present and the future.
Ponder ponder ponder... whats life? i am still constantly searching for my real identity and what i really want. But sadly, after much rumination i didn't get my conclusion.
Maybe just not yet, maybe the one didn't really exist or it might be somewhere just there.
i do not know

many things are just not right in the face and many times we can never be the best.
Best fall, weak rise. Weak fall, best rise. And it goes on......
Thank goodness, crazy writing essays days are over! OVER WOOOHOOOO
it gets me so sick of it to the point, i just heck it totally.
this gives me more reasons to hate myself, because if i were to continue not giving a shit to my work, grades will fall really badly and sayonara St Martins!
Really thank you all the ever kind and lovely ones, Aaron, Zhi and Amanda for editing my horrible essays!
Aaron died laughing by my content (not very encouraging!), totally blood sucked him with my horrible sentence structure ; let alone grammar errors seriously. zomfg
oh well i can never deal with words thou writing is a beautiful thing and i really really admire strong writers.

*******

too much of disappointments will it lead to giving it up?
no please, turn back to me.

2007-11-06T13:23:00.000+08:00

room for decision: choices

theres always something worth living for

and to be thankful for.

how many times have i struggled to breathe and wanting to scream my lungs out?

i always considered myself as a rather optimistic and positive person because i don't tear easily.

i smile more than i frown, i laugh more than i cry, i joke more than i say awful emo crap.

it has been a good 4 months, i always thought i grew up and could use a different approach to handle this issue that has been bugging me.

i guess no

how can i be so silly to be blinded by all these? or was it i am just nonchalant?

or was it when i had hopes and believe for something that i am sure is the best for me, i just refuse to let it slide off my chest? too many doubts in my thought that i rather not persist looking into.

i wanted to treat it lightly, instead it doubled the impact

it pained me too much to even could bring me back onto track.

dear if you hear me, could you just do me a favour?

i don't think my mind could take this any longer

your shadow living in my heart is been here way too long

something that doesn't belong to me shouldn't be here at all.

please let the shadow turn grey and disperse into thin air

cause all i want is not a shadow

i wanna feel flesh, reality and genuineness

steadfastly and refuse to let anything that steal your joy

choose to be happy

and you will be

2007-10-25T12:14:00.000+08:00

would you?

i wish i could keep you
really

i know no matter how psyched, busy, overloaded, happy, pleased, tired or troubled i am
i will still have a small part of you in me.
somewhere just there
in my heart i figured

*****

back to the pencils
back to fears, panic and endless worries

2007-10-24T22:16:00.000+08:00

guess you always understood

I hope you’re doing fine out without me
‘Cause I’m not doing so good without you
The things I thought you’d never know about me
Were the things I guess you always understood

So how could I have been so blind for all these years?
Guess I only see the truth through all this fear,
And living without you…

And everything I had in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

I can’t take another day without you
‘Cause baby, I could never make it on my own
I’ve been waiting so long, just to hold you
And be back in your arms where I belong

Sorry I can’t always find the words to say
But everything I’ve ever know gets swept away
Inside of your love…

And everything I had in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

As the days grow long I see
That time is standing still for me
When you’re not here

Sorry I can’t always find the words to say
Everything I’ve ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love

And everything I had in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

And everything I had in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

7 am at this hour when i am sneezing and dripping mucus all over
just wish you will be right here with me
maybe thats too demanding
perhaps just cheer me on

feelings just a spur of moment
no it kinda stuck in a moment for me
and i can't get out of it

*****

i have 1 more drawing to complete
i just want to dieeeeeeee

2007-10-16T15:42:00.000+08:00

fix it

If I could take you away
Pretend I was queen
What would you say
Would you think I'm unreal
'Cause everybody's got their way I should feel

Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love for real
Want to be your everything

Everything...

Everything's falling, and I am included in that
Oh, how I try to be just okay
Yeah, but all I ever really wanted
Was a little piece of you

And everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love for real

Everything will be alright
If you just stay the night
Please, sir, don't you walk away, don't you walk away, don't you walk away
Please, sir, don't you walk away, don't you walk away, don't you walk away

And everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love for real

And everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love for real

I want to be your love, love, love

Rachel Yamagata

the lyrics,tunes and her voice just turned me down so low
but i just can't control but to repeat it over and over again
it makes me feel, think deep deeper deepest, wander and drift
i hate to feel this way
yet i need to feel it so i would be numb by it

********

yet another dreadful lesson of prospective drawing fundamental

I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE PROSPECTIVE DRAWING
RUBBISH RUBBISH RUBBISH BULL CRAP!
thinking of becoming a visual merchandiser? no way boy

stupid pimples popping like popcorns on my smooth silky skin
has been causing a major disruption in my life
vanish vanish vanish those fugly beans on my face!
ASOS

2007-10-10T16:30:00.000+08:00

instant myojo

i thank god for my meal today
i don't know why i felt sooo damn hungry
to the extend i couldn't think, draw, write and talk

myojo chicken curry instant mee never felt so good before
i know it usually taste like some sucky balls crap
but not now
i just want to slowly finish up the bowl of mee and get back to work
still left with 3 more sheets to go
no sleep tonight i bet!

i want choong pang nasi lemak!
omg
give it to me right now!
NNASSSIII LEEEMAAAAAAK !!!

my best friends for now : music, coffee, instant noodle, poky, coke with many ice and pencils
and
nasi lemak my eye candy!

2007-10-07T19:07:00.000+08:00

hi maroon five

my favorite tune at the moment - Maroon Five, nothing lasts forever
i cant help repeating it over and over again in my itunes
i even have it on my msn as personal message ( i know i am obsessed!)
darren commented, but bessie lasts forever
aawww that was sweeeet
yes very true i last forever! LIVE LONG BES!
wtf

worked today, it was good
and freak whats wrong with me?
i just can't give up owning a dress!
it seems like whatever i wore i just have to buy it
( i am sorry tampines people are evil, they love me too much ) hawhawhaw
the other time was gray and now is cobalt blue
yay i love both colours they are sex!
actually my entire wardrobe its like black,white, gray, blue, nude and more gray
i love gray till i can't breathe laa maybe because i love black and white and in middle of b&w is gray and that is why i love gray so much so god damn much!

back to stupid dress
okay..
i got complimented by tampines aunties but no not a single miserable compliment from mom and friends
which is really depressingly sad!
either not that fantastic/ not flattering/ maternity/ shapeless and whatever horrible comments
sadness kill me lah!

don't know why really don't know why
i worked in my room and get their merchandises, paid with my pay from the cash box from my room and cash went back to my room's cash box again and again
i don't get it!
why do i died on dresses from my room?
cause dresses are sooooo beautifully effortlessly chic?
no not really
it just intimidates me when customers trying to snatch things that i wish to own
that explains why i almost used up 1 month time to contemplate on april77
which happen to be denim that i cant function without it
somehow i know if i missed it, it will be fine. There will be nicer ones out there some where

BUT
dresses are different, putting them on me as portable walking mannequins in the boutique
customers are eying on it with evil thoughts
last piece on me
should i shouldn't i?
next second, get it immediately without hesitation
i tell you my room's boss must be damn happy to have such a spendthrift employee like me
idiot
i don't like that feeling of throwing money back to her
she better increase my pay! PERIOD

one more thing before i turn in! WTF ITS 403 now! tomorrow church at 9! madness
tomorrow another rushing day yuke!
why do i write so much nonsense here?
ok sleep well people!

xoxo
captain cact

2007-10-06T16:20:00.000+08:00

toilet paper me

school has been such a bore i tell you
lesson from the lecturer is soooooo lamemo but oh well carol is hot anyway
except for letting us drawing fern, crashed muslin drape (claim so) i doubt so and ET! one more for HOMEWORK for god sake fruits! thank you so much
kill me softly

besides lesson, company is great to the MAX! having bitches around me to bitch and go crazy with is so damn hilarious! my new karaoke partner aaron wok applause to him! hehhehheh
today's singing escape in class was insanely deliriously hilarious! that was like a little bit of self entertainment away from the boredom and mundane class mood. phew lucky there was aaron!
and whats more beside my class that french chic is like freaking stunning! one more thing the sadine puffs! there are so so so delicious i tell you, something you would die for!
heh so i can conclude school is after all not so bad huh
yeehh school has been fun let aside the work load!

******

yesterday came an unexpected mail from bangkok
my mom was like.. why do you still contact him? fuck him la, like what you always say 'fuck'
omg
i froze! i cant believe my mommy said that and not knowing the true meaning of fuck
mom i am sure you don't wish your daughter to lose her virginity so soon haha

oh well nothing lasts forever
it was sweet anyway knowing he still remembers
friends forever dude

yes i just said nothing lasts forever how contradicting
well.. at least i believe friendship last forever
somehow doesnt need to be in the same country or doing the exact same field
still will find ways to get back together again
thats the power behind it
friendship kinship love care and concern

someday somehow somewhere
i believe

2007-10-04T18:26:00.000+08:00

WANG's 19th

PS: Apology! typo error its 19th birthday!

i wanna botanic again!
*stamp feet*
that was a pretty held back photographs from jee's 19th birthday
it was indeed a blast filled with great company, laughters and heart to heart talks
*heavenly*

i've been snacking so much
from ayam twisties-coke-twix-sneakers-mentoes
i am gonna die of obesity soon!
helpp i need to exeercise

2007-10-03T19:15:00.001+08:00

3:47am

i am insane!
in such a hour i am still not in bed
i had too much of images in my mind, and task need to be done and thoughts need to be said
i know i cant get snooze without getting them done

****

i have so much photos to post up but simply have no mood to do so
probably just plain lazy hawhawhaw
****

school has been fun (not as bad as what i thought luh)
lesson pretty much similar to 2d art thou
so shouldnt be much of a shock or amusement
maybe such sharpening some drawing skills

i think i love drawing.. towards certain objects
i always having this image in mind
where i am on a vacation to maybe Greece/Italy/Venice/Rome?
wake up as early as 530 to catch the sunrise
prepare my drawing and painting equipments jet set ready to climb to the top of a tower
open up my easel, lay out all my necessary tools
ear plugged in with high society tunes or maybe some classical that clams my nerves
besides theres a tea pot with my favourite red tea with milk and a few pieces of biscuits and favourite cheese bun.
start sketching out the landscape and do necessary markings
quickly render the canvas with paint of orange yellow brown white and red
mark it down with my signature upon completion

seriously i am no joke!
i want such a vacation where i draw sketch and paint
okay.. that will only come true if i master the art of drawing landscape
till then i better get going

i am sooooooooo random i realised
dysfunctional

2007-09-28T17:27:00.000+08:00

better off.....

certain things are just better off not know than known

or rather better off not investigate and leave it alone

but

i couldnt help it

i admit my curiousity sometimes would changed into concern

or maybe overly concern? or maybe its non of my business and i still persist in finding my way out?

and so what it satisfies my curiousity?

bottom line : it sucks to know the truth.. noo not the truth yet

perhaps you dont know what exactly it means but your imagination cant help but to run wild- that really sucks big time

******

you know what really sucks?

to spend the whole of next sememster without the 3 "angels"

they are sweeeeet in a bitchy way

beeyoootiful in a fugly way

and hell outta fun! i mean FUN really!

perhaps intelluctual as well?

except the barbaric part...i mean it

sigh if i were to go on...i will probably used up 3 years's worth of words to complete my inner feelings towards this seperation issue. i dont know since when i became so sterotype and frigtened up with parting. usually i embrace changes and i love strangers ok maybe not love but at least not afraid of them.

but

now it became very intimidating

i am not so sure if i am able to work as well as with other people

or not so sure if i can survive through the 6 months peacefully

i know thats parts and parcel of life but god i am not metally prepared at all i dont wanna step out of my comfort zone i plead!

i love ya'll truely deeply madly

xoxo

captain cactus

2007-09-18T18:00:00.000+08:00

i am defeated totally

i am doing the most and the best i could do
already stretched to the limit where i never thought i would do
so i question myself yet again

bes do you think this is the best for you?

my answer is: i thought it was, but reality doesn't seem to be corresponding with my will

so what would you do when you are in my situation?
break it or make it?

turn a cold shoulder, the sudden shut off of conversations
those arent the worst
what really pierced my heart
is do you always treat your friends like that?
if you do, i am sure you are FUBB!

a big fat FUBB!
a beyond description fubb
"fubb" taught by amanda and amanda got taught by amanda's mom

thats it is bes

i have to bear this in mind
always bear this in mind
remove the remained sentiment
match the other half with something that's meant for you at the appropriate time

i had enough
i will call it a night for me

2007-09-14T15:42:00.000+08:00

friend/love?

Its a short period of time that feels like eternity and i will keep it close to my heart till eternity

i will...always will

i would rather hope to see you soon than saying goodbye
take care

Love,
captain cactus

2007-08-25T15:46:00.000+08:00

polaroids are the sex!

another weekend...

i dont know sometimes weekend can be such a bore

yes its nice because i dont have to attend school and dont have to stay up for those rubbish assignments

noo cause it will suck big time if i dont have plans and end up slacking at home

somehow i detest slacking now

but weather made it so nice to even escape from it

was watching mcr concert in the afternoon and dozzzee ooofff silently

thats how comfortable i am at home lying on my couch

but still.....

met up with the favourite girls of all and the best things on earth!

window shopping for me cause its end of the mth means broke, burger-ed, coffee-ed, polaroid-ed, laughed and basically chilled

though it was nothing happening

but still fun thats it!

TADA polaroids polaroids POLAROID!

though we dont look that fabulous, but love it still!

goodnight sweetheart!

2007-08-18T15:39:00.000+08:00

reminisce

theres so many things/people i miss

words could barely describe how badly i want things back to my life again

first on my list, i miss the beach and i freaking miss watching laguna beach during exam period!

sucks big time i just lost all the episodes of laguna beach season1! gggrrrr

just by lyeing down, listening to the sea breeze, enjoy the chill down your spine, softness of the sand, the beautiful sunset and just forget about the hecticness of city life

i miss

i miss being a beach bunny daamnnit

i miss coastees badly

and of cause i do miss my closest friends around me, how can i not?

especially spending a lonely saturday at home during 7th month. thankyouverymuch

*sulk*

******

this particular feeling has been with me for awhile

that i really really really miss

how is it gonna be like if i were to be in your arms again?

hows my life gonna be like if i were to have you back again?

how are my groomy days will be like with just a daily beep on my cell

what about those days when we talked through the night?

how is it gonna be like if i were to catch the sunset with you?

how is it gonna be like if i were to have the last cup of coffee with you?

how is it gonna be like if i were to pack your luggage for your trip?

how is it gonna be like if i were to be the last person you see before you leave?

nice very nice

memories so close to my heart

i dont bare to let you go

no i dont

26days left

2007-08-12T16:45:00.000+08:00

chillout yo

homeclub with amanda just now was bliss! like ohmy finally i am out of the house..

goodness the music was soo goood i kid you not!

the rock the post rock the instrumental the whatever you call it

makes me feel like being a rockstar! hahaa

please dont let me go on with the honkie guitarist... he is aaaaawww HOT! amanda was like drooling all the time lah

********

words are just words when nothing is done, plans and ambitions are merely dreams if not acted upon

tonight would be perfect if i have you around me

ppppeeeerrffeeecct

2007-08-05T17:33:00.000+08:00

this is the last time

today was pretty crazy for me

my emotions has been really drastic these few days

i can get so desperate and get so over it in another minute

sometimes i even wonder am i suffering from some minor depression?

ohmy

***

i think its getting to a point where i can see what's the world like outside

its so chaotic and complicated

example, my youth revolves around sex cigarettes and alcohol

like hello whats the difference between you and a whore?

worst still you are not freaking paid

i totally have no freaking idea whats the pleasure behind it

***

well..certain things when you had enough you better leave

men come and go in your life, so does women

anyway, thought it over

i see no point drowning my sorrows which i dont quite know whats the core problem behind it

thinking i finally saw the true colour of it, its gonna be just a understatment

***

i need to think of some ways to content and satisfy myself

i cant be always stuck there and see myself not moving on

alright that is it! i had enough and goodbye

2007-08-03T03:46:00.000+08:00

i call this 'Distraction'

2007-08-02T13:02:00.000+08:00

take my breathe away.....

the discounted ck lingerie totally glued a smile on my face!
though it doesnt "push" that much and sort of doesnt makes it any bigger
but who cares i still love it!

first its cheap

second it makes me feel soo sexy and sensual lol
*smiley*

every wednesday no school for bessie
*jump*
wouldnt it be nice?

start of my day, accompanied mom to the hospital for her check-up. silly her was suspecting something cancerious growing in her urea. so the report is out today, a less than 1cm muscle cell grew and it is no big deal. we all "phew"!
then to toa payoh lorong 8; OCEAN for curry fish head! omfg it is my favourite dish of the year. i have craving for that almost every weekend!
after which, mom drove all the way to tds to pick up my painting and dropped me at amanda's house for movie!

i swear it was sooooooooooooo damn goooooooood!
i am like down loading it into my pc now la
i think i can repeat it many many many times.
aaaawwwww...
i love it!
soooo muucchh!

after movie, went to meet up with pris for dinner at fork and spoon
and i wanted to watch even more romance comedy.
so bought "how to lose a guy in 10 days" which laura recomended
omg i am gonna watch it now

ciao!

2007-07-30T13:07:00.000+08:00

OAC venture to earn

was just browsing through my photo albums, and i realised how much i love and miss the past OAC.

where there is leadership, theres a culture, theres a rule, theres fun, joy and laughter.

though at times i shed tears when theres a problem and i dont get support. but i am glad or rather more than glad to know some people still do understand my position.

it was NEVER easy to survive through these 5 yrs there, i had so much fun, we sweat, we scream and shout together, we shed tears, we bond, we help one another to pull through the tough times, we laugh at the silliest things we did. we had trips, we know each others strength and weakness and it goes on.....

and because of the tears and fun i had, i can only call oac my home.

every oac teeshirt i hold was never easy to get and i wear it with pride.

i wish nothing changed.

but how can i demand and wish for something that is beyond our control?

through the past 5 years, everything was at our expectation is because everything rules under us. We followed through, because we followed the system strictly.

i know, when people and generation changed, system and culture will eventually change.

" sometimes decisions that we made seems right but after carrying out whatever we wanted to accomplish, we may realise it backfires on us"

you are right matthew

anyway, something i have learnt!

stick with the situation and let it be

the way we want to educate you may not be the best way to, but just hope you get our intention.

thats the only thing i hope

well... be it the past or the present oac, i'll still love. i'll still share sentiments. it is the place where i belong and the place where i discovered myself.

from the bottom of my heart

2007-07-22T22:31:00.001+08:00

jessline's 18th

i shall let the pictures speak for my heartfelt graditude

sucha bliss!

to have them around

2007-07-15T19:08:00.000+08:00

rush hour

or rather rush week ahead?
fuck

gawl in a few hours time i gonna be back school for some serious work.
and it stinks to know weekend past just like that.

saturday was bliss

went to aung's place for some boiling good time with jes
tori q and tako poci and coke light and bestfriends = awesome!
followed by night swimming/soaking in the pool haahaa
and midnight movie at toapayoh, harry porter was such a disappointment trying so hard to be awake at some scene.
then supper at chongpang NASI LEMAK!

ohmygod

can any day be better than this?

and i am missing the moment/fun/joy/laughter/love right now
why cant we drag weekend a little longer?
and why datelines have to come so soon?

i am sensing evilness and some blood sucking time tml and tuesday.
it will be the ever longest horrible terrible days i ever had.
someone stab me!

non the less, bessie deserves some eye shutting and peace now.

goodnight world
and an advance goodmorning

2007-07-01T02:08:00.000+08:00

chin up bess!

pfooo..waking up late today feeling like a holiday!

NO WAY!

well at least.. i dont have to rush for any deadlines!

supposily meet up for some sun basking session but clouds are dark and no shine so slept a little longer and feeling all terrible.

had a great chat with waiaung and mom! (babe i am so glad you are by my side)

finally i came to my senses

i made a big move today, feeling i've grown

certain things, you just have to take the pain and complete the path alone

pain is temporarily, what i have gain from the pain is permanent

I HAVE DECIDED! and i'll stick with it.

cause i dont call myself a loser to do a track back.

back to somewhere that i lost my senses myself my soul my faith

no worth no worth

what matter most now is find ways to survive in this block!

TEXTILES IS KILLING ME

i gonna change my mentality completely now

TEXTILES IS MY NEW FOUND LOVE!

i gonna pull it through cause i dont wish to touch it again the next block.

theres many things i need to do and ought to do

i WILL make it!

let the horrible week end and embrace the coming up one

i need to appreciate and love the beauty of every horrible things that happens around me.

mind over body come on work on me!

SAFARI inspire me now now noww....

P/S theres nothing else i could be happier having waiaung and jeslin linger around me! they are bliss

2007-06-29T16:07:00.000+08:00

29th must die

i tell you today is one of my worst day i ever had! totally stink to the core!
yesterday, after dinner at 10, do abit of work slept at 12 in the living room, woke up at 3am. continue doing until 9am.
slept all the way till 1pm. well done, bessie just missed out textile manipulation class.
went to school, reach texfun class at 3.30 meaning 1/2hr late. Reason was because went to look for veronicaacaacaaacaa to hand in our work.

she didnt even flip and look at my designs properly and said ok go down and look for wilson for further instruction. *blood vessels bursting already* stab stab stab stab STAB!

WTH! i worked hard for it, all i got was briefly flipping through? not a single criticism! nothing at all! she will only say "you are here to discover"! "who knows what it might turns out like?" F**K YOU!
i agree yes i am here to discover. but come on.. at least tell me what i need to improve on and all...

ok nevermind, next textilefun class ( i hate it to the fkest core)!!!
i totally catch no balls in that lesson. Is like hell, torture and horror! textilefun is NO fun at all! kill me!

after all the torture in school...i decided to meet up with wang and aung in town for dinner. despite i am dead tired! seeing these bitches totally brightened up my spirit!

and guess what? i saw something that i didnt wanna see at all.. my heart sank down all the way to my toes.
its broken

why everything have to happen in one day.
god its too much for me to handle.
too much
life is such a bitch

2007-06-25T13:43:00.000+08:00

my sunday blues

have you misses someone terribly but theres nothing you could do?
constantly reminding yourself
"self-control be with me"
it helps you physically but no not emotionally
everyday everynight i am expecting a ring or a beep
but whenever i reach for it, its always a let down.

********
school work is making me a dull dull girl!
holiday ending in few hours time meaning hardcore school work lining up! i can soo feel for it already
2 months of non-stop hardcore-ness!
kill me....

well..i hope when school starts, everything starts afresh for me.
lets embrace the hectic lifestyle!
go go goo power ranger ( thats soo unnecessary!)

back to work i go

2007-06-23T16:51:00.000+08:00

2 days counting...

BE HOME SOON BABY!
xoxo
fucking love you to the maximum!

2007-06-18T17:05:00.000+08:00

i will die happy just like that

how amazing can this be?

i didnt sleep the whole night cause i am way too happy to say or do anything!

aaaawww....

i love my drawing! gosh

only "that" can bring me to the extend of pushing myself to the limits

only that....

aaawww....

not just i love my drawing

cause i know he will appreciate it more than i do

((:

just smile silly

*******

i am starting to realise i am doing things that i cant control

nobody can ever refrain me from doing it

and i do know i have to put an end to it no matter what

just let me be foolishly happy for a while and treasure the moment.

treasure the moment that i could still cheer you up

treasure the moment that i could still put on the silliest smile

" fly me to the moon and let me play among the stars

let me see what spring its like on a jupiter and mars

in other words hold my hand, in other words darling kiss me"

2007-06-13T03:59:00.000+08:00

getting there

woke up at 12pm

feeling all ready to do some cleaning up.

before i could realise. it turned dark already

pffooooo

meaning the whole of afternoon doing chores!

wonderful

ogay at least

wardrobe packed, working table packed, accesories table packed, cds cleaned, magazines packed.

left with store room!

kill mee....

feeling better compared to the previous days i had

i am getting there already

"i am better off without you"

images still running through like film strips

and its amazing how things start and end

i still do remember the way you smile at me,

the way you look into my eyes

the way you grip my palm

your gentle touch

the softness of your kiss

perhaps my heart isnt broken at all

perhaps its not that painful than what i thought

perhaps i shall take things a little easier

why not?

*****

today was packing my wardrobe,

realised wardrobe is over loaded

ought to give up certain clothes in order to fix in the new ones

i toook a loooooooong time deciding, cause is just too hard to let go even though i dont wear them anymore

i dont want to throw things away and then after a few mths telling myself

"aiyah wasted, i shouldnt have threw that away"

but still

i threw them after much hesitation

cause i know if i dont throw the old ones, new ones will not get to come in.

worst still the old ones will collect dust and dirty my wardrobe

isnt it similar to life?

and what i am going through?

even how painful and how difficult to let that person go

you still have to when time is up

i dont want to runaway from pain

i want to face it and let it go

probably is not that painful after all?

when you can finally breathe and face the world

goodbye to my doom love

on a lighter note

tomorrow off to km8!

man.... the beach is the start of my beautiful life.

where i can breathe more than usual

i gonna ignore all troubles and treasure the very moment of the beautiful day.

goodnight sillybillies!

2007-06-11T18:07:00.000+08:00

$174

i am having some ultimate saving plan for myself
thankyou for being fbroke
thus i have to result myself to this state.
sigh

BUT
having thoughts of those CP chicken wings and wonderful seaweed chicks and ohmy the LOVE ice-creams!
i will make sure i clean the house up and ground myself.
i will start to love home!
i will..i will....

i really hope mom will get my air-con fixed
cause the freaking air-con is seriously driving me nuts!
water leaks like its raining i swear!
And the blardee fan moan and roar like a lion!
please mom please get those necessities fixed!
i cant sleep for nuts when i am freaking hot and noisy!
uuurrgghhh....

now you understand why i hate home!

anyhows
these few days had been really really low/high for me
despite i have wonderful friends around me to cheer me up.
but when they left me
i realised i am all alone again
no doubt things get through my mind round and round and round...

so many issues i need to sort out and re-adjust myself again
i need to get back to the normal life i used to have
i need to stress myself that i am way better off without you.
i have to get through this stage.
i ought to

theres only one reason left
dont want things to get back to square one

tomorrow will be a yet another better day!
tata for now

insanity

2007-05-10T03:13:00.000+08:00

hello bloggie
while i was tracking back, seems like i have totally neglected this thing huh
ok let me sum up a a short summary of my busy hectic life.
i think i am pretty bad at summarising things. whatever

OMG am i insane? why the hell would i have time for blogging?
becaaaaaause today is exceptional.
and thanks to today is exceptional, for that all assignments are packed like sadines during the weekend.
ohhhmmyy... mmyyyy precious weekend.
ogay not new to me anymore
last monday i slept at 5am and woke up at 650 prepare to school.
gosh whats next?

school is fun though!
VM lessons are damn crappy at times and can get god damn boring but also can get damn exciting.
and assignments are crazy!
what a interesting subject
la love!

ogay tml school starts at 9am.
i better NOT be late!
i gonna leave my house chop chop sharp sharp at 730!
from the day i started school till now i am ONLY early for once!
and poor ziwei had to wait for me and dragged her to be late with me
soorry dearest

alright i better go prepare for lessons tml and get some precious snooze.
yay little india trip tml! whoopppee

say no

2007-04-20T15:37:00.000+08:00

i am clinching my fist
locking my fingers
and sending messages to my brain
to say a firm NO!
no to everything
no to you
no to your calls
no to your text messages

my heart will skip a beat
whenever i saw your name on the caller id
without a doubt i picked up the call
and i put it down within seconds
cause i am saying no to everything you are doing

i am doing this cause i felt insecured
i want to get over with everything
and stop thinking big
cause nothing is gonna happen
NOTHING
i am afraid
and i have a phobia
so let me be

self control come on say no
no
no
no
no

happily angry

2007-04-15T14:51:00.000+08:00

for some reasons i chose to believe in my intuition
thou it was only just a dream that only last a couple of seconds
but it seems so real
once i am awake
i felt so lost

my mood is obviously BAD today
first i woke up damn early like 730 to get ready for breakfast with jessline
then head to work
and damnit i am soo lacking of sleep in shop
and needless to say
i had tons of scoldings saying i closed my eyes to search for things
right
so making my day

and fucking ccb i had 2 HUGE pimples
one on my cheeck and one on my chin!
so big i tell you!
and is being annoying for being there.
sigh

after work me and jess walked to the train station
wha biang i tell you the fucking rain drops KEPT dropping on me!
is like damn weird cus it doesnt drops on jessline (not even a single drop) and kept dropping on me!
like WHY? WHY THE HELL IS GOD DOING THIS TO ME?
when everything is going wrong?
and i had to bare all these stupid nonsences!
life is unfair!
now i FINALLY felt the impact of this phrase
goddamnit!

and cheebye i dont know how can the blardee gay porn calls me a GENTLEMAN??????
i have been trying to be the ultra feminine bessie
and apparently not doing very well
okay thats not the point
but still no way can you call me a gentleman you gayporn!
feeling so stupid to be angry over with this issue that happened like 2mths ago?
whatever lar
i just wanna be angry!
angry for once and for all
and throw all the angst away!

back to the intuition thing,
memories can only be memories
so it can also mean intuition is intuition
despite its strong intuition or a vague one
its STILL intuition and not a fact!
so stop scaring your balls off will me?
but
i still cant get off the mentality that
men are temperamental shameless bastards!
they can get so into you at this period and superb sick of you at that period
and because of this they love sweet talking
they can drop you a subtle hint and make you feel important
at the end of it all
its still the mind game
you still have to guess and make guesses of how the other party is thinking
i am so tired of all these
i cant seem to understand men

i am thinking of nonsences again
my eye lids are getting heavy already
and i realised i am typing too much there
so goodnight to who ever borthers to read this crap

seee what had lack of sleep did to me?
evil evil...

2007-03-07T15:28:00.000+08:00

i am over contented! omfg

http://www.polytechnic.edu.sg/jpsaeApplication/PostingResult.aspx

click me!

i refer to it more than 50 over times to double check whether am i dreaming!

fortunately i am NOT!

cheesebun can anything be better than this?

i couldnt even catch up with my breathe

ooohh goshh...

i am totally blessed! such a bliss baby!

everything is been smoothe

life is pretty goood!

and i cant wait to go to school!

TEMASEK POLY APPAREL DESIGN & MERCHANDISING

HERE I COME!

omfg i cant believe i am really in it already!

freak except for resuming work tml!

why does good things have to come to an end?

stink!

2007-03-05T18:14:00.000+08:00

2007-03-04T11:29:00.000+08:00

DIET?!

i dont think this is the 1st time saying i want to lose some pounds eh?

heh heh heh heh

i tell you all this time round i am serious about it.

i am not gonna procastinate any further

yes diet will start today!

TOOOODAAAYYY!!!

sigh i feel so sad

some cai shen ye (cause he dressed like one) knocked onto my door

he gave me a 4digit number

and want me to give him back a red packet that contains money

any amount he claimed

without hesitation i put in a $2 note.

NOW

i felt that i got con!

damnit it make no sence aye.

he knocked onto my door to take money isnt he should be the one giving me money instead?

omg i felt PAIN!

$2 i can get a ramly burger special!

a cup of butter corn!

roti pratas!

i reeeaallllyy feeel like swallowing down a ramly special!

who the hell invented such yummy burgers?! daaammnn...

no yes no yes no yes no?

NOOOOO

bessie is gonna go for a 4km run now.

goodbye!

ramly be back in 1mth time!

2007-03-02T12:18:00.000+08:00

the club virgin night

2007-02-28T01:39:00.000+08:00

maybe

i am steaming, burning hoooooot!

after aaaaaallll the superficial sentences that men had said

i cant help it but to wonder why are men such a morron!

they are totallly jerks! J E R K S! totally

they can say things like maybe we should hang out and blaahhhblllaahh

and

after you said some untrue fact of your fitness like is ssoooo obviously totally absoltutely not true fact

men start to say "wow if you are soo fit i am willing to date you anytime"

isnt that soooooooo superficial! aaaaand sooo shallow and sooo gulible?

so what i am fit or so what i am not?

aanndd so what if i am fat or so what i am not fat?

SO WHAT?!

does appearance all that matters to you men?

i am starting to wonder what is love all about?

superficialness? satisfying your visuals?

crap

all these are crap!

men you are just fucking hell d i s g u s t i n g!

very very very indeed!

so you think i will be freaking hell scare and worried if i dont get a date?

wow i am soooo worried fucker!

even someday i might be the oldest virgin in the universe

i dont give a shit about it

at least i did not share my body to those disgusting assholes with rotten pennis and fucking small brain!

2007-02-18T18:10:00.000+08:00

GONG XI FA CAI!

Firstly...warm wishes from the ye family!

visitings were as usual...first definately would be granny's place for lunch and then to another granny ye's place. ohmygod soo many grannys i realised. grannys were all old with beautiful white hairs and whinkles, aunties growing old and my mom looking so damn old! gosh

and me looking so out of shape and omg i mean OUT OF SHAPE!

sister still as usual pleasantly plus size and fuck i think i am growing to be like her! nooo noooo nooooo!

thats only one thing about ageing! but i dont know why the hell are angbaos also decreasing i mean the amt thats inside! sigh economic really that bad? i guess so, mom has been constantly complainting about it. thanks mom huh your 3digit became a 2digit angbao -_-

whatever the amount it shall be, i told myself to SAVE IT!

been looking like a bola ( in malayu means ball!) soo i did not take much cny pictures. anyway just the 3 ladies in the house!

feel the love!

HAPPY NEW YEAR PULL YOUR EAR!

2007-02-14T01:43:00.000+08:00

just the beginning

been really busy sourcing for schools and arranging for interviews and registering for school.
and

today was my 1st interview at tp's apparel design and merchandising.
i felt really good about it!
results will be out in few weeks time
so mean while i shall keep my fingers crossed and pray real fuck hard for it!

been really troubled and confused these days
i am really greatful and thankful to have great friends around me
giving me the best and most practical advices!

thanks nigel for bringing me around np's media school and telling me abt fsv and also encouraging me and telling me the best thing ever to say during interviews. He reminded me to be HUMBLE! lol
He really let me realised what i really want and what i really wanna do. And finally i found myself back on track again! really thanks alot hairy nigel!

thank you matthew choong the baa gei for giving me good advices and guiding me through right after getting results! the care and concern is priceless!

to best friends like jeslin and waiaung! thou you girlies werent physically there for me but your moral support and constant loving care for me is nothing i could ask for more.

and lastly how could i forget the bestfriend jessline lee?! i called her a day before the submittion of the application form, telling her i am on the verge of giving up. she really gave me a big knock on my head and fucking hell gave me a great scolding! thanks for all that scoldings, if not i wouldnt be realising my goals my dream and why the hell am i working so hard for!

without all these heros and angels around me i would never made this far

iherebysincerelythankallthepeoplewholistensguidecareandloveme

god is still fair to me afterall!
i shall keep my fingers cross for now
amen

2007-02-11T16:22:00.000+08:00

why does it have to rain on me

totally

absulutely

thoroughly

utterly

fucking

disappointed

devastated

despair

stranded

and really really felt fucking hopeless

i am so confused with what i want till i am lost with my goal

wheres your spirit in fighting hard with want you want?

wheres your drive?

wheres your self confidence?

all these are hidden already

all these would never be out if nothing is gonna change to the better

i dont feel any sense of belonging to the world

i felt like an stray hogs being outcasted by the community

and

fix you by coldplay totally filled up the empty spaces of my inner thoughts.

good one itunes really play the right song at the right time huh?

maybe i only can blame myself for ending up in such a pathetic state

well...

if you never try you will never know

2007-01-08T16:16:00.000+08:00

DETERMINATION!

i need a

GETAWAY!

and

be fucking SKINNY!

fit into a size26 jeans

by the end of feb07

i hope my diet plan will work

i shall have kfc for lunch and a big chicken bao for dinner tml

working towards my goal to be reaalllyy reaalllyy skinny by the end of feb07.

FAT HOPE!

plan2

cereals for breakfast, lunch subway with no chocolate cookies and no coke and dinner small chicken bao with a cup of ice milo.

maybe this will work better

whooppedoooo

just got my 4days pay

and fuck now i left with nothing after i bought the blazer.

i am le so insanely broke!

work is drying me up and i am broke and fat!

sigh sigh sigh

2007-01-03T15:14:00.000+08:00

2006 christmas!

without a DOUBT
they are the best people ever i kid you not!
i "heart" them all
fucking adore i swear

fuck up post!

2006-12-20T17:54:00.000+08:00

fuck up post!

knowing the fact that i gonna let go saddens me deeply

without goodbyes? without a pleasant smile? not even a pitiful look in the eye!

without letting go is not gonna welcome new ones

which i probably shall

its been dragging too long

i am so not gonna move on if i still continue hanging in there

whats the point for being there for you and care for you

when you dont even know i do

i once thought of delicating my youth for you

love you with my purest of heart

how silly i was

and how naive i was

always thought you would feel the same way as i do

but

ultimately i was so wrong

so much of love till we seperate huh

what a fuck up post!

GOODNIGHT ASSHOLE!

2006-12-19T17:19:00.000+08:00

hair affair!

i have purple hair once again!

thanks kenny for giving me FREE service

is really something i shant reject aye!

LOL

i know i am not the only one who complains about the weather

is been raining TOO MUCH!

like consecutively 3days already

hoping for a sunny day at least for a tann pls

i guess i have to wait till next year!?

and one more thing i hate about cold weathers

is that the lonesome feeling and laziness in yourself

warm fuzzy feelings would never exsist

WTH!

this is exactly what i am feeling

LONELY!

orighty i better catch some sleep while the weather just fits in just nice for a sleep!

goodnight sillybillies!

2006-12-13T20:50:00.000+08:00

Illegal Shakira Video

"it should be illegal to decieve a woman's heart"

2006-12-12T17:25:00.000+08:00

girls will be girls!

2006-12-04T15:23:00.000+08:00

AAAAWWWWW....

this is RIDICULOUS!
WTH
i looked like stephen chow?!!!!

hahha anyway this is damn fun!
i looked like janie tienphosuwan!
YAY!

2006-12-03T14:50:00.000+08:00

Chris Brown - Say Goodbye

damn my itunes is playing the right songs at the RIGHT time huh

i am sorry i decided to quit this game
i came up with a conclusion that we both shouldnt drag this issue anymore
the best solution probably is to end it
since both doesnt want to commit and explain ourselves

and all these are words that i would never gonna say to you

cus i know is gonna hurt
so i would just let you understand

2006-12-02T22:09:00.000+08:00

2006-11-26T17:01:00.000+08:00

Finally 17

2006-11-25T02:48:00.000+08:00

Birthday / PROM

the sun was blazing HOT I swear

clear clouds and scorching sun hit right down my skin

and that explains why i went prom with the blardee red face!

uurrrgghhh

i hate being sunburnt! ass...

2006-11-15T15:40:00.000+08:00

ARTY FARTY!

those were 1 week of fucking hard work!
can you sense dat i am stuggling?
mad rush of interviews from a model and drawing and painting...
the anxiety of meeting her and preparing for the interview
oh man
i almost couldnt breath
BUT i made it!

after 3 weeks of separation with my girlie pops
we finally reunite today!
so glad that they are still as silly as ever!
btw
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMANDA the bursting busts!

2006-11-13T17:11:00.000+08:00

The end product BRAVO!

those were my die hard 4mths hardwork!

goodness i almost died doing those

hopefully all these would save me an entry to TP! visual com!

2006-09-05T13:06:00.000+08:00

retribution!

after what had happened yesterday
i seriously believe in retribution!
how could i not?
hell shit..

few months ago...
theres this guy who i bump into along the streets in town
he shouted my name
the first thing that came into my mind was
' i guess i know him and seen him somewhere'
might be my primary school friend?
yet
the words i spout out was
' who is that?'
infront of all his friend and my friends
despite he looks familiar to me

thinking back... is really embarrassing for him.
and now
IS HAPPENING TO ME!
DAMN DAMN DAMN!!!!!

just give me a knife and let me stab myself to death
i finally understand how that guy felt at that moment
he probably not gonna forgive me
because up till now
i still got so pissed off with that fu*king jerk
i swear i gonna make him embarrass if i see him again
100 times more than the impact i suffered!

alright... the story goes like this
yesterday i was in the salon
and was paying for haircut
subsequently this guy came up to kenny ( my all time favourite)
he made a eye contact to me
and thought he gonna say something
but he didnt, instead i said something
he was the guy i knew in 2002 during my birthday
and he was from oac
he kinda leaves a deep impression to me
because he was from oac and saw some of his kunei old pictures in the old album.
so i was being kind enough to start the conversation by comfirming my guess and his identity.
i expect something pleasant but it turns out to be a embarrassment!
okay i dont blame him not remembering me cus i know in terms of appearance i changed alot
but the thing was he dont remember oac
what the fuck!
aahhh..i dont know it was seriously a embarrassment to me.
this really suck
whats with the people nowadays?
sooo blardee stuck up!

this is punishment from god i guess
really suck big time!

grumble over

2006-06-14T12:26:00.000+08:00

Finally....so in love

after 2 mths of pursuading and waiting in pain.

i finally got an ipod nano. *beautiful*

thou ipod video is the one i gonna die for

but taaaa...nano is good enuff!

thank you mom! <3

yea so this is for you lovely!

many times i dont know how to express out how much i wanna thank you

and love you

is hard for me to say i love you to you mom ( i just dont know why)

i hope you know dat i really do

everytime i throw my ugly tantrum on you and showing my awful nonsences

raising my voice at you and being unreasonable

you will still be talking to me nicely and give me constant forgiveness.

despite the fact i was at wrong and wilful.

you're more than a mom to me

you're my best friend, you're my dad, you're my guardian angel

without you i wont be living in such luxuries

thank you for giving me a complete family where i can feel warmth & love.

thank you for satisfing me with all you have

thank you for your tolerance

thank you for giving me a chance to grow

thank you for supporting me whatever i do

thank you for reminding to to sleep early and drink lots of water

thank you for switching off my light and stereo when i'd slept.

thank you for splurging on me

thank you for giving me the best of the best

thank you for the simple life you gave me

i know i am a disappointing daughter

i've not been good all these while

nothing to be proud of and useless

i'm not born smart nor stupid

not born pretty nor ugly

all you want me to be is to stay happy

and at least try and listen to her advices.

there were never high expectations from her

and no scoldings even if my grades were lousy

all she expects is seeing me grow up

and become a sucessful person living happily and could stay up in this society.

mom

thank you once again...

2006-06-11T15:06:00.000+08:00

fond memories...

ogay today was pretty fine.

started off with training in school

as usual the groupie slack like bummers

and seeing our juniors climbing hard

we will start grumbling

'aiyoo last time we were exactly like them can!

indeed our trainings were more hardcore!

having 3-4 trainings per week (be it rain or shine)

as and when we like we will

visit climbasia, climb adventure, yishun safra

at least will visit once per week

doing pull-ups everyday

running 10rounds of the track

tortured ourselves with superb hardcore physical from coach!

climbing updown 5 laps were

no kick for us lor! '

hahhaaa..

OMG

look at us now

so flabby and clumsy!

knew nothing but to grumble and grumble!

*exhale a deep sigh*

those were the times!

where life was so easy!

little homework and exams

nothing came to our mind besides enjoying the process of fooling ard

climb all we can

laugh all we can

do whatever we like and we dont care what will happen next

those times were total madness i swear!

camps were your getaways! hurayy!

and my mighty muscles & tann brought be so much pride!

now....

no pride and no muscles!

*ogay rolling eyes*

hehheeee

i felt old

when i saw all my carefree juniors were hefing so much fun!

i so miss the good old times!

when we were so young and free!

please bring me back to those times!

*stamp feet!*

but i believe!

my life would be more colourful

when i start to step out of my comfort zone

and move on to the next level of my life

hopefully

alright

grumble over

bessie needs a snoozie!

good night!

2006-06-09T03:27:00.000+08:00

such a cold morning
pour pour pour pour pour

feeling all drownsy and hungry!
*my stomach is roaring*
i had honey stars and a bao for breakfast
and now i am craving for a hot bowl of beef noodles for lunch.
and maybe some xiao long bao for dinner?
bens & jerry for deserts?
no wonder bessie is gaining weight!
with constant reminders of good food
why wouldnt she?

i'm a workaholic! gonna start work NOW!
goodbyee silly billies!
=D

2006-06-07T13:54:00.000+08:00

*pouts*

my june holidays are worst than the normal-school-days

that i used to detest somehow.

but in this situation, okay

i prefered my emolousygloomysillymorningmadness school-days!

i am being pulled down to school amost everyday

NEVER leave out of school before 4 good pm!

lessons from 8fuckingam-4damnpm!

drawing is killing me

i dont know how many lines had i drawn a day

i dont know how many circles have i been trying to draw

the illusion of lines is still on my head swirling...

i bet those lines and circles are gonna sum up to millions or zillions!

the more i draw the more i'm losing the faith in myself

fearing that thru my drawing i couldnt

express out the whole idea of my concept

and people might not understand what am i doing

i know at this point of time i shouldnt be thinking

of giving up

but is just the feeling of falling down

anytime.

urrgghh enough of those gloomy craps

hefta get back to lines and circles once again

bessie out

2006-06-01T04:52:00.000+08:00

BFF!

First & most importantly...Happy 18th Birthday FLORA ZIN!
hahhahaa...

yesterday was a blast! met up with all the girlies once again.
so much of laughter and crankiness!
<3>

2006-05-27T10:30:00.000+08:00

my diastous results

cry no more pls!

i really hate to talk about my results here
i aint want to tell the whole universe i gotton
such a lousy results
with that stupid brain of mine
fuck
i hef come to the end of my patience

i can feel the heat of my tears trickled down my face
when i saw
2 F9, 2 D7, 1 E8 and 1 B4

even subjects i used to score rather well became a failing grade
sigh
is like the past memories came haunting my souls again
i fucking hate the feeling of 'regret'
and i dont want to face the cruel fact when i was in p4 again.
i tasted it once and not gonna let history repeat itself.

yes i admit my body became rigid
and lost the faith in myself
but
i am not gonna let this happen anymore

gonna put the past aside
and start all over again
let this be a learning point for me
and the last chance to prove my own capablity.

2006-05-26T13:57:00.000+08:00

Da vinci fever

it was amazingly goood!
thou is alil chim for me and kinda
dont get some parts
but taa...
no doubt for me
dats why the book is here for

tell ya' the book is even better than visuals!
yes! no doubt watch it!

aahhhh..is always controversial when it comes to reglion.
but again is up to you what do you actually believe.

2006-05-23T15:03:00.000+08:00

i thought i could

maybe i shant

perhaps is better if i dont

many times i thought if its mine it will be
i lost it not only once but twice
i thought it will never come back to me
i panicked
but this time round i was calm
i told myself this
if the olds dont go, the news will never come.
but i didnt give up finding
i thought i will be the happiest woman on earth
if i could find it
is like between a gucci heels & my watch
if i would have to choose one
i will most probably choose my watch
and when i found it
i wasnt as excited as what i expect myself to be
i was like 'ok i found it, dats cool'

isnt this scene so familiar?
is not just finding yur missing item
is also about losing someone once
if that someone is gonna come back someday
the special affection you thought will be the same
and maybe even better
but ultimately everything turned diluted
you didnt expect it to happen
but it certainly has

many times i got so tempted to
but i just suck at opening my mouth
sometimes i just got so confused with myself
i am not certain with what i want
i just want the matter to rest
and oh pls let be move on happily

ohbessie ohbessie ohbessie

2006-05-21T03:30:00.000+08:00

2006-05-13T17:45:00.000+08:00

2006-05-13T13:40:00.000+08:00

sister had flew over to taiwan today for a VACATION!
so unfair! i want a holiday too!

speaking of which i suppose to do some revisions today
thou my paper is on tuesday but still....
i shant be wasting time bumming and bubbling
and haha so i did today

i dont know what the fuck i did on this public holiday
it suppose to be as planned
and i hef to stick to it
but it looks like it all got screwed up

i got sooo much things to do and i am scared
i better get myself fresh and get back to work
PS: seriously i need to lose some pounds
i feeling outta shape! i need to do some vigorous exercises.
running 100km/h?
tennis! anna(something) is sooo hot! you know the female tennis star player?
climbing climbing climbing!
swimming!
yea dats about it

good day dudes!

2006-05-11T14:40:00.000+08:00

drown cockroach

imma feeling all tipsy drowsy giddy dizzy miserably happy

happiee?!

cus ear block JUST left me

aft 16hrs?

sneezing and sneezing

doing the most unglam way

pinch your noes and blow

stuffing tissues in yur nostrils

stink i hate flu

exams was all 'gooooood'

and yea is the trigger to my flu huh

anyways

i got one more paper to go!

and dats it!

HURAAAAYY!

no school for me till tuesday!

yippyyay!

2006-05-06T16:36:00.000+08:00

my craves

coffee makes my stomach so so so so teerrribla!

plain water cleanse my dirty intestine

and now i am feeling all hungry!

*goar*

i am craving for some good sushis! billy bombers's huge fries! fish & co. seafood platter! waffle fries! km8's calamari! jack place's steak! bouncy fish balls from ock! ban mian at bishan! wild mushroom soup from marche! strawberry sodas frm buttercup cafe (which dont exsist anymore)! ben & jerry's chunky monkey! haggendaz rum&raisins!

*drool*

can i just hef a lick of all of em?

just a lick will do!?!?

puuuuulll-leaaaseeee?!

ATTENTION GURLIES!

my exams end on 16may!

dont forget to ask me out ogay!?

esp for a blasting well-deserve dinner

thou i know my results will be like shiat!

whatever

i need a really good dinner with my good old pies!

sudden fetish for "communist" cap!

and i wanna purchase pwettie shoesies!

but

i will cooooontroool my temptations!

i here by declare NO SHOPPING FOR ME THIS MTH!

you know what?

Great Singapore's sale begins on the 26thmay!

i shall think abt it again huh

*bite lips*

will power please activate!

de de deee ddeet

2006-05-04T11:30:00.000+08:00

exams madness

I HATE struggling at the 11th hour!

when the stress cycle comes again

feeling butterflies in stomach

all just stink i hate

everything just come too fast

is like boom is mid yr

boom is prelims

boom is BIG o's!

then i will be

pulling my hair

biting my nails

and call for SOS

i am fucking restless and low in energy now

sigh

exam blues so stink!

i was all prepare before o's

i will be like

hahhaha-ing at all those last minute workers

showing off all my knowledges

watching my favourite tv program

chill with my girlies

sleep all i can

no more burning mid night oil

no more bitter coffee

no more whinnings from myself

and lastly

i will be waiting for good results!

perhaps my dream of being top student will come true

hahhahaa

i am turning retarded

and i feel alil tipsy

AFTER COFFEE?!?!

%&%*^)%!@#%$!@#%$#^

so random

2006-04-30T13:03:00.000+08:00

counting down;
less than 50hrs to my exminations
*stiffened*

i got like too many things to do
and now i felt helpless
too many things just need to be done
and too little time left for me
how?!
*state of devastation*

honestly,
i miss my girlfriends
so so so so so mucccchhh
i cant wait to make it up to them
but
things had just certaining
gone so hectic for all of us
some
busying with assignments attachments exams projects
and blah blah blah
i hope they feel the same way as me

waiaung, jeslin & wenling

yingqi, sheryl, jac, zhixuan

derek and jessline

amanda!

ina, sop and xuan

the cozy spot where me and qiz used to dig every wkend!

i miss all these fun i used to have
*grumble*

2006-04-26T12:58:00.001+08:00

something just striked my mind

RETAIL THERAPY!

yes!

i need shopping

a real mad shopping spree!

ohhhhhhh boy

how am i suppose to?

like hefing only 2-digits left in my bank acct?!?!?

*sulk*

i guess either nano or ipodV hefta wait till...

i dont know when

mom just refused to buy for me now

even thou i pay myself!?!?

but in instalment la

she is so annoyed

when i mention 'instalment'

i know is a bad habit

but it really lighten

alot of my load (tight)

*gasp*

she says she will get it for me

once her business gets stable

why

is it that everytime i ask for something

that i cant afford

is the period where her business is aint pleasing?

anyhows

she better keep her promise

i know i cant save for god sake

pray for her business to get well soon

so i can pamper my hear drums!

i hate creative!

fwaoh!

i left 158hrs to mug till

my pain ass midyr exams start

the hopeful ones that will bring myself pride

is biology/ social studies and art prolly physics?

the others.....

can kiss my ass

*nonchalent peace*

2006-04-22T15:16:00.000+08:00

May Goal

yes! dats you dont run!

this sexy lil thang got me so facinated!

i want to invest on everything just to get it

SG548

how many mths must i save?

how many mths i cant go to coffee bean?

how many mths i cant shop for my desires?

how many mths i cant indulge myself on food?

how many times i hef to mop the floor just to

earn that 10bux frm my mom?

ard 60 times?

probably i shall

mop floor to get ipod

deal?

OMG!

its really time for me to change my daily usage(excuse)

the creative one i am using now sucks

it just pissed me off whenever it goes off like suddenly

i need a new mp3 pull-lease!

esp i travels alot

music is the source that keeps me going

move on to life

definately worth to invest on

yeah?

anybody wish to get me this

please kindly drop me an email

i'll be so please

thanks

2006-04-20T13:00:00.000+08:00

period sucks

imma feeling terrible
imma all fucked
not just period

oh well
alot of issues coming in
mixture of feelings
sweet bitter sour spicy
i just hate doing things
that i am suck at
tommorow
yes tml i gonna face the damn shit
i just cant wait for it to end
everything
everything

i am so done with everything

2006-04-19T12:28:00.000+08:00

when i start asking myself this

' bessie whats your forte?'

ummmm....

i think

i think deeply again

i think even deeper

i came to realise

nothing indeed

this is really sad

i am not exactly good in anything

i am rather a average plain jane

who is just an average player

be it sports, studies or person

when people says

there is always a special talent in everyone

i think that is completely bullshit

i dont hef

thats so unfair

or prolly i hef yet to seek my so called

'special talent'

'it's alright

i'm ok

i think god can explain'

2006-04-17T09:50:00.000+08:00

TADA!!!
holy shit
i used up the whole of yst night to finish this card
phew~
is all worth it

35 candles to you
our mighty mighty loh!

my week was all gooooooood!
mom is nice to FINALLY took a off day break
for me and sister
crsytal jade for lunch
and hell i ate sooooo much!
my appetite is HUMONGOUS now!
i am feeling fat!
sigh

*dragging my feet back to the study table*
i am so reluctant to

2006-04-15T12:53:00.000+08:00

'so long sweet summer i stumbled upon you and gracefully basked in your rays'

wet hair(bad)
clean body
comfy clothing
laguna beach watching
cold pizza
cold wings
cold fries
icy water
browsing
blogging
singing
smiling
two summarys are waiting for me

i got so distracted easily!

so random

2006-04-14T12:58:00.000+08:00

thumbs up for this horror/thriller movie

go watch it!

definately worth the 8bux!

the story line is superb!

contemplating what movie to watch this weekend?

this horror flick will be just the right one!

i must admit some parts are really freaky and creepy

Oh boy...

there are a list of things i wanna/NEED to do

1 ) Hair treatment

i am a vain-pok i admit! all thanks to my hair la

i hef been suffering frm bad hair day recently

i so need to heal em!

get the fizzy hair off pullease!

2 ) TANNING!

i really cant run away frm that! i am so fair

fucking fair indeed! other than that

I MISS THE BEACH!

my favourite spot still siloso walk & km8 (:

3 ) GET STARTED

mugging! my mid-yr in 2wks time!

4 ) GUCCI

GUCCIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!

4 ) LAGUNA BEACH

i wanna go there for a vacation!

of cus i wanna meet stephen *blush*

5 ) BALI

as i said i miss the beach

so it reminds me of surf brands!

so cheap over there la!

6 ) BANGKOK

my class's girlies had decided to head to bangkok

aft o's.

we gonna club like mad

show off our mad-dancing creations!

drink like drunkards!

flirt with baboks!

lol!

7 ) get consulted in NSC

yay! finally got appointment on wednesday

i cant wait to see flawless beautiful skin!

8 ) GET A MANSION IN LAGUNA BEACH

i want LC'S mansion!

oh gawl.... it looks like a resort instead la

outdoor jacuzzi , superb big kitchen, huge living room

the jacuzzi is the amazing one!

and a aston martin to be parked outside will be perfect!

fuyoooo!

i just cant wait for O's to be over

hustle free and there i go to persue my dreams

in getting huge mansion in laguna beach!

ok i know you guys wanna throw me two words

' FAT HOPE '

2006-04-11T14:27:00.000+08:00

happy;

for godsake i came back to life

for once i felt that i am BESSIE YE once again

heeeeeehaaaaaa!

the orginal bessie

the ever fun-loving bessie

the ever chattie bessie

the ever nonsencial bessie

the ever dramma bessie

the ever laugh machine

the ever ever happy happy bessie!

i dont know why am i soo happy

i am just happy for unknown reasons (:

i am happy!

lets celebrate!

oh-happy-day!

or rather a happy week

or rather a happy mth?

i just love to be happy outta nothing

just happy will do

2006-04-10T12:31:00.000+08:00

somethings are just not going on your own will
they will just twist alil here and there
and became unpredictable
life is as such

you just wanted to speak up
just want to say something
but you suddenly got
tongue-tied

sigh
it always happen

i dont want to be left confuse
here
with no clue
what the hell is going on

when i looked back
i can sence something
something
worth waiting

-motivate me to start mugging-

2006-04-07T11:25:00.000+08:00

Sugar Ray-When Its Over

When it's over

That's the time I fall in love again

And when it's over

That's the time you're in my heart again

And it never ends

All the things that I used to say

All the words that got in the way

All the things that I used to know

Have gone out the window

All the things that she used to bring

All the songs she used to sing

All the favorite TV shows

Have gone out the window

I'm missing you

I never knew how much she'd loved me

I'm missing you

I never knew how much you meant to me

I need you and when you go go go go

I know, it never ends, never ends

All the things that I used to say

All the words that got in the way

All the things that I used to know

Have gone out the window

All the things that she used to bring

All the songs she used to sing

All the favorite TV shows

Have gone out the window

When it's over

Can I still come over

In the middle of the night

When it's overIs it really over

Or are you coming back this time, this time, this time

All the things that I used to say

All the words that got in the way

All the things that I used to know

Have gone out the window

All the things that she used to bring

All the songs she used to sing

All the favorite TV shows

Have gone out the window

All the things that I used to say

All the words that got in the way

All the things that I used to know

Have gone out the window

All the things that she used to bring

All the songs she used to sing

All the favorite TV shows

Have gone out the window

i aint wanna elaborate yesterday's tragedy

that moment was sucha stupid demeanour of mine

love makes a person goes insane when it over powers you

dats how pathetic my state is now

i putted in so much of unnessasary emotions into it

and now

the issue was being blew up

not by him

but me

either way

is our strategy gonna be

disassociate with each other?

by ignoring?

or by pretending?

what so ever

i am over this shit

OVER AND DONE WITH IT

life still goes on, with or without you

2006-04-06T10:27:00.000+08:00

a sudden gulit just washed over me

i know i am being so mean
the other day
for avoiding for ignoring
for being fucking
stuck up
you know what
here i am trying hard
to get over you
and there you are
trying hard starting a conversation
what am i suppose to do?
what will you think abt me right now?
'dat fucking bitch deserve to die?'
'why is she ingoring me?'
'screw dat sucker up?'

prolly i should just
throw away my dignity
for a while
to apologise
for the juvenile act of mine