Almost lover

I have never had such a bad holiday in my entire life. Bad things kept rushing through me, the endless bad news and disappointments. Including sickos trying to play up with my mind. I once felt that it is thrilling but now its completely disgusting me. How sick people can get these days? I am so emotionless now especially having hatred for psychos. Days have never seem so dark before really its been tough. 

 

Well... its hard to handle and accept reality. Now all plans are flushed into the drain by the H1N1 "frenzy". Its really hard to let go off the chest, it almost felt like i can't fall in love with a married man or a gay dude. How difficult to handle the emotional cycle when you want it but can't get it feeling. Most painful part is, i couldn't even fight for it. I tried and i lost cause i am in no position to maneuver policies.  Thats the heart breaking part, i can't change policies! I wish Obama would speak up for me with his charismatic tone of voice. 

I still remembered the days i went mad thinking of how beautiful my life would be surrounded by fashion forward people in Sydney. And the outfits that i am gonna put on, looking fab and all ready for a great breezy day ahead. Forget about the awfully humid weather and the insane bus rides in Singapore. Adapting a brand new environment, meeting new people and enjoying the breeze. I will sip wine like how i drink coke in Singapore every chance that i have and forget about getting drunk cause nobody will judge and give a damn. "Forget all awful things and only look forward", that will be the sentence i say to myself every morning. In a way, i wanted this trip to be a emotional healing therapy for myself. I've heard so many great stuff about Sydney and i've never stopped looking forward to stay there for 3 months. 

Reality checked. The world is not doing so well and all of us will be affected. Thats the fact we have to deal with and move along. I am thankful school is trying their best to make it up with  our emotional lost by replacing us with a relatively established company. I would say my CM did a great job in brain washing me, i have completely no idea how the heck i became so positive now. Alas seems like for now, i have only left with a choice. Either live or die, simple as it sounds. 

Coke, lays chips, butter buns, cool room, comfy bed and sex and the city seem to make me forget about my current trouble. You see fashion definitely made a difference in my life. A real pain in the ass.    

Utterly

I am alive pals! This space has been long forgotten, the last time i posted something was so darn long ago. Cant imagine my first ever post after so long is to pen down my misery. 

Holidays is here but nothing good is happening. I am dying inside, i cant believe i cannot get out of the country again! I really really need a breakaway its not even funny i need it so badly. I even have plans to fail school just to get out of here. Okay not a very wise choice to make but i can't imagine myself staying constant in this country not making any improvements and not moving on to see another side of the world. Everything has been such a rush, grudge, hate, love, mistakes, disappointment, heaps of disappointment in Singapore. I need that peaceful 3 months where i can get away from everybody and everything. I need to restart and rebirth. 

So much emotional obstacles these days, i hardly could breathe and feel. I can never look forward to live that i used to anymore. How can i endure further when i saw my only hope is crashed? Reasons are ridiculous i never like reasoning they are all to bring one down. howhowhowhowhowww tell me what to do? Everything is such a let down.    

BADHABITS

OVER

doesnt life sucks when a planned holiday is ruined? 

my bkk trip with family is over! i had a plan, a list of goodies to grab and all i have been waiting for is the trip but well no more bkk. Mom always says this to me "don't expect everything to be beautiful, must always anticipate for the worst." Hmmm well everything makes sense to me now. 

Mom is always so wise. 

Life has been a down fall recently, nothing goes well. results not that great, business kinda failed and still waiting for income, plans are ruined, my internship is coming, i need to save up, need to spend less which i think will be the most challenging, no shopping hell no but somehow yes i have to agree to that!, eat lesser cause i am envy of people having good bodies and i am gaining soo muccchh weight :( (i was just chewing some sugar cuttlefish snack and omg i almost couldnt stop myself) and i need to be tanned cause i realised i am so fug when i am fair. EVERY SINGLE THING IN MY LIFE IS AWFUL! 

school life is starting in 2 days time and i am absolutely not looking forward to it. In a year's time i am gonna graduate and this is gonna be exciting? i dont know whatever that is ahead seems so bleak and threatening. I am kinda scared considering today's economic climate. 

i am ranting so much right now and i think i need a drink and forget all the horrible things ciao! 

Time for school

"Hi I'm Bessie please to meet all of all'! I'm in this fantastic course in TP known as "Apparel Design and Merchandising". Well as you know in another term for ADM is fashion design just that the designers in ADM create wearable clothes for humans. One thing i LOVE about this course is that i get to know so many weirdos and funky cool people. We make clothes and get ill ( mentally and physically) eventually due to the intensity in the sewing room.

I have a friend in this course who pukes all the time and thought she is gonna break the exciting news that she is pregnant but hell no, she got so stressed up and she needs to relief and ended up puking her lungs out. Thats just life in ADM but FRET NOT there's still optimistic people around here. This isn't any ordinary academic course in Singapore that you can pull it through with mild effort. We face challenges all the time including a sudden meeting with the course manager could be nerve wrecking. Only the super humans could endure this torture like me and you! "

hawhaw that was school for me today to write about my feelings about ADM. not very awesome but i had to do it soo yeeeeehhhhh......heh 

>>>>>>

some pictures from the weekend that i never wish it would end! 

O ROBERT BUCKLEY

the only reason why i watched lipstick jungle. honestly do u think i will friggin stick my eyes on the screen the whole day watching those old hags having some intelligent dialogues? hell nooo

aaahhh anybody to die for right now will be- HIM!

 

Crisis

I am currently waiting for Jeslin to have supper with me and meanwhile i should plan out my finance intensively. 

i spent whatever i shouldnt have and i dare not to calculate. My funds for my overseas omg i can't touch it anymore. I told myself theres no more reasons for me to spend anymore and i should seriously practise some self-control. " B stop shopping stop shopping stop stoppp stttooopp stooooppp!" 

but u know what friends, whenever i see something that i love i will say "screw it". I can't possibly miss out the most beautiful thing on earth right. Sigh life so hard, full of temptations and seduction :(  

Okay for my entire holiday i was happily skyping and we did the most random-est thinx everrrrrrrr

Home coming

Its 6:31am now and i can't get my body to bed and rest. I know right u must have think i am mad.

 

so yeh that was steamboat at my place with the girls using photobooth to document the moment. 

a budget one indeed cause we only used 40bucks to feed 4 hungry kids how proud right!

for now i shall find other ways to entertain myself till i fall into deep sleep

goodnight pals

x

I keep you with me in my heart

You make it easier when life gets hard......
Lucky to be coming home again





i am feeling exactly like whatever this picture is trying to capture.
Not there or here, a little sober a little confuse and a little lost. Waiting and still loving, hating and hurting. Painful and sorrowful. Dull and gloomy. Fought and lost. Coming but losing.


you know what let it go

shagadelic

hello friends let me update you about my friggin' life.
just so you know is BAD!


I've never been so physically and emotionally pressured in my whole darn life. SO BAD SO BAD
ok this is in short
and i am so brain dead now and i dont wanna write anymore about my pathetic life.
so ciao for now and see you soon friends! i love ya'll very very much!


X
B